i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
