you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
