i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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