Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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