she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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