bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
