He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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