apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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