im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I didn't notice because vodka
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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