Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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