Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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