I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
