My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize