Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
