"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
