Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
