i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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