normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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