Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
