Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
