Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
