I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
