if you like me you must not know who I am
no you cant smoke seaweed
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
