Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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