I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
