Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
