Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
