I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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