just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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