You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
