i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
