Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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