They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You may now shotgun with the bride
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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