He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
