Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
