No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
