I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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