just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
