how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
