I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
