I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
