Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
