The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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