I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
