i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
