Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
