There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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