She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
