Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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