Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
