I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
