When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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