omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
