remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
