sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
