1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
