dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
