I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
