just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I still have a little drunk in my system
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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