It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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