meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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