god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
