That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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